Ok, so I feel like my head is going a million miles a minute these days. There’s so many different things rolling around up there and I can’t even make sense of half of it. Some days I’m so sure about myself and my life and the direction it’s going, and others, I’m totally and utterly lost and have no idea who I am or what I want. At this point in my life, I feel like I have the world at my finger tips and can go anywhere and do anything I want to do, yet at the same time, stuck in a rut and have no idea where to go, what to do, or how to do it. Some twenty year olds have this attitude and confidence that they know everything. If I’ve learned one thing from being in college, it’s that I pretty much know nothing! I have so much learning about life to do, which is really stinking exciting and terrifying all at the same time, but they say life begins at the end of your comfort zone-well, I’m there!!
Everything I thought I wanted to do with my life, God’s pretty much said no and now I have either have way too many ideas and things that I want to do, or have no idea of what I want to do with my life. I have a hard time figuring out who I want to be and who God wants me to be and if those are lining up. I’m constantly so concerned with figuring my life out this minute. They say college is all about finding yourself and establishing your own life, but unfortunately there’s not a Finding Your Life 101 class that you can take your freshmen year.
Lately, I feel so concerned with finding what God wants me to do, that I forget to live in the moment. It’s gotten to where I’m almost hesitant and scared to dream big and crazy like I used to because fear of stepping off God’s path or not knowing if it’s God’s plan for me and I don’t want to be wrong or get my hopes up and be disappointed. I’m learning this is no way to live though! It’s ok to dream big, we just need to be ok if that’s not God’s plan for us. Also, I’m learning that we need to live life right now here in the moment. I’m being grown into the person I’m supposed to be. The present is important, and God’s put me where I’m at for a reason. Everything in my life is happening in his timing, whether I see it, like it or agree with it. We need to take comfort in the fact that our life story is being written and God’s got great things in store for us, it’s just up to us to trust in Him and go find it. I need to take a chill pill, live life in the moment now and fully live in the present because I won’t get it back and this is where God wants me at this time. It’s really hard trying to balance living for now yet still preparing for the future, but I think I’m just over analyzing everything (I do that wayyyy too much!).
We’re not supposed to have all the answers to everything and not everything is supposed to make sense. I think that’s where I screw up. I want to analyze and make sense of everything, when I just need to cool my jets and live. I need to not be so concerned with traveling on God’s path in the quickest, most efficient way possible, which tends to be how I try and do things, and stop and smell the roses along the way and fully take in where I’m at in life. Your twenties are supposed to be a time of fun, discovery and beginnings. It’s time to start living that. I need to start seizing opportunities, taking chances and loving life and not stressing about little things that don’t matter in the big scheme of things. Still don’t know what God’s plan is for me, still don’t know what exactly I want in life, still don’t know a lot of things, but you know what? I’m not supposed to have all the answers! Is that a major bummer sometimes? Uh YEAH. From now on, I’m going to live life striving to be joyful and being thankful for where I’m at, smelling the roses along the way. If I make mistakes, I will learn from them. If I find pieces of myself and God’s plan along the way, I will be thankful and excited. I trust God and want to do whatever it is he wants me to do, and will find that out when he wants me to. Stay tuned, we shall see what’s in store in due time! Thanks for the read! Comment if you’re there or you’ve been there! :]