Hello, my name is Rachel and I am a control freak of my life.

Something that God has really been convicting me of lately is staying put and being in the present, and not feeling like I need to be in control of life. I feel like lately every little plan I’ve made God’s been like nope Rachel I want you here. I’m ok with it and trust God, but it gets to a point where it’s discouraging sometimes. Something that’s really been weighing on my heart and mind with this is the fact that I’m in such a hurry to get up and go that I’m not living moment to moment as we’re instructed to do so.

A few weeks ago when I was home from college, the pastor talked about how we are called to be sent. Ironically enough, like a week or two before that, I gave into God and opted not to go on a mission trip that I really wanted to go on over Christmas break because I felt like that was not where God wanted me. The whole time sitting in church, I was just like yes, exactly, we’re called to be sent and God wants us to carry out the Great Commission…sooooo why cant I go?! Why aren’t you sending me God?

Then it hit me.
In the face.
Like a brick.

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I’m not being content and working where I’m at right now as much as I can be. If I’m not making a daily effort to reach out to people and be invested in growing in my walk with God, why in the world would he send me halfway across the globe, much less across the state?! Have I been better about evangelizing-yes. Can I do better? Yes. Have a been better about memorizing scripture? Yes. Can I do better? Yes. Have I tried reaching out to people? Have I given up to soon or not been intentional enough? Oh yes. God willing, my time to go will be someday, but for now, I need to grown where I’m planted and learn to be here and now.

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A verse that slapped me in the face, like I’m talking God taking his hand and WHAM right across the right temple then back across the left was Luke 8:39, “No, go back to your family, and tell them everything God has done for you.” So he went all through the town proclaiming the great things Jesus had done for him.” Honestly, what am doing back home to make His name great? Like for real. Am I talking to my family about the awesome things God’s done and doing in my life? That would be a negatory Ghost Rider. We need to go back and tell the people we love about God and tell them everything God’s done for us, not just strangers on the street or people we’re trying to invest in. We need to not just be proclaiming him at “church things” or when we’re on mission trips. Our life is a mission trip. We should be on mission at all times.

2 Timothy 4:5 states, “But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don’t be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Word at telling others the Good News, and fully carry out the ministry God has given you.” I need to be in a constant state of not being afraid to be “weird” or suffer for the Lord and live out Romans 1:16 proving everyday that I am not ashamed. I need to work at telling others the Good News, not just invite them to special things at the church or on campus. God has given me a ministry that I need to carry out. The people I live around, the people who are my residents, the people in my classes, the people in my small group, the people I pass on the street…all of them there for a reason.

What am I doing about this?? Not enough, that’s what.

God doesn’t need to send you to Africa, Haiti or even London over Christmas break like you may want, but he has sent you where you are right now. God’s really convicted me to step it. I been slackin as a Christian. Along with being in the present and in here and now, God’s been telling me, well more like showing because apparently I’m not a very good listener, that I need to take a chill pill and calm it down. I’m in such a hurry to go off and do and go and have every day of life planned and colored coded, Type A person style. Literally any little plan I’ve made in my head, God’s been like HA that’s funny Rachel, but you’re going to go over here today. So many things this semester have just been like, seriously dude?! Not again!

I’m learning to go with the flow and I’m seeing the beauty in it because ultimately it works out for the better (as it tends to do when you let God take the reigns.) For example, with school, I feel like I can study and study and work my booty off, yet I am still not making the grades I want. That’s just it, making the grade I WANT. No where in the Bible does it say that you must make all A’s or you’re a failure in life. Grades don’t mean everything. (I’m not saying failing all your classes is a wise decision, but as long as you’re trying your best that’s all you can do). With discipleship, as long as I am being intentional and pouring into them and holding them accountable, I’m doing my job. Whether they are applying what they’re learning and working at living this godly life they want, is between them and big man upstairs. God’s placed me in their life to disciple them for whatever reason. With family, I can’t be everywhere and be helping and fixing everything, I can just do what I can from where I’m at and be praying about the rest. With the male species, if God’s got a fella in store for me, we shall find out in due time. Maybe I’m not ready for a relationship yet and God knows that, maybe the guy that God’s got in store isn’t ready yet, or maybe we just need more work individually, or maybe God doesn’t even have a guy in store, whatever the case may be, I’m learning to be cool with it and not be discouraged by it, and learning to focus on learning about God, myself and the world in the process.

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God’s a pretty cool guy, let me tell ya. And life, it’s a funny funny thing. As I heard a quirky self proclaimed “Cat Man” in Key West, FL once say, “hurry up, take your time”. As contradictory of a statement that is, it holds some truth. Life comes quick and fast in a blaze, then can suddenly halt and move like molasses. Welp that’s a wrap. Hello, my name is Rachel and I am a control freak. I have a weird need to be in control of the day to day-ness, but give up the future to God. Why, I have no idea? But nonetheless, I am working on it. I need to calm it down and work at working where I’m at and living everyday like I’m on missions. I’m working on rolling with the flow and being here and now. There’ s nothing I can do about what may come my way, what my day may consist of, but what I can control is how I handle it and what I do in response to life when it comes at me like a brick or like a slow moving cloud. I’ll keep ya posted!

Thanks for the read 🙂

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